Maddox - 7 Months Old

Since I was quite late on my six months post, it doesn't seem that there is much to write about 7 months.  But who could resist a few adorable pictures. 

Maddox is sleeping longer than Lailey now at night!!!  Hallelujah. He is ready for bed by 7:30 pm and usually sleeps until 7:30 am or sometimes a little longer. Down to two naps (one at the same time as sister) and mealtimes now mostly lining up with the rest of the family, life is getting easier. Not easy, just easi-er. But hey, that's not why we signed up for this whole parenting thing.

Speaking of parenting, I had to make a tough decision recently. Actually, there wasn't really much of a choice, but the process was tough for me. Back in January I had a bout with kidney stones (2 ER trips in one weekend, overnight hospital stay, and an emergency surgery Monday morning to remove a 10 mm stone - yikes!) At the time they found another kidney stone on the CT scan, and we decided to have it removed a couple weeks ago since it couldn't be removed with the first procedure. Because of all the time spent away from Maddox, my frozen breast milk supply quickly dwindled, and I couldn't pump enough to keep up with his growing appetite. By the time this second procedure came around, I was out of pumped milk. Since it is recommended to "pump and dump" for 24 hrs. to allow any drugs to get out of my system, I had no other choice but to start supplementing with formula. This is really not that big of a deal, but for me it was huge. I wanted so badly to nurse him to a year like Lailey, but my body was telling me otherwise. This is kind of personal, but I write all of it in hopes that it is an encouragement to someone who has gone through this or might in the future.

I wish I could just take my own encouragement like I tell other moms: "ANY breastfeeding is better than none." But I couldn't. I felt like I was mourning that day. I thought about it, cried about it, and thought some more. Why was this such an issue for me? It's not like I'm doing something wrong; I'm feeding my child! And that's a gift! Finally I discovered some things through a lot of soul-searching: Nursing is my first and most special experience with my kids. It's the most intense bonding I've ever experienced with them. And it's what keeps me feeling connected to them physically and emotionally. Even though they're not in my womb anymore, the bond shared while nursing makes us both feel safe, loved, and protected. I was afraid of losing that. I felt that if I supplemented with formula that I would lose that connection. In retrospect, it is ironic that I don't feel that way about solid foods like fruits and vegetables or cereal. Obviously, this is something I've created in my own head, but it was real. And it was strong.

So how has Maddox responded? Hasn't bothered him one bit. I sometimes snuggle with him with a bottle just like when he nurses, and he's happy as can be. In fact, the first night he fell asleep in my arms  taking a bottle just like he does occasionally while nursing. It was precious. And it was the Lord reminding me that it is the fact that he is my son that gives us the bond, not nursing.

He still breastfeeds in the morning and usually one other time a day, so we'll see how long that lasts. For me, I am no longer slave to a pump or rushing home worrying about feeding him anymore. Davey and I finally had a date last week for the first time in awhile. I still feel a little sad, but I see the positive changes and that helps. Working, even part-time, is tough and adding breastfeeding and pumping to all that was literally wearing me out.

I want to stress that I don't think formula is bad. I just tend to be very hard-headed and determined and I can be my own worst enemy if I've set my mind to something - even if that something is very well worth it and important. But I'm learning to not be so stubborn about things that I lose more important things in the process.

So, there it is. Hope it helps someone in their parenting journey. And props to all the moms who tried nursing. Whether you did it for one week or one year, you did a GREAT job.